I'm feeling blue. Maybe the reason is everything. Weather's hot and annoying, my friends change schedule suddenly, boring shopping to Westfield, some weird liquid drops on my shoulder..... It's kind of funny, by seeing it from a different point of view.

But the biggest reason I'm feeling so down is that I feel strange feeling to my parents. Because I begged them strongly that I want to go to International school, they paid a lot of money for me, although we're not rich. The International school is really expensive. I'm thinking that maybe I should have gone to Japanese boarding school, which is relatively cheap. When they talk about household expenses, I feel terribly sorry for my family. They can't spend money for my sister and brother much. I'd been thinking that I'll study really hard at the International school, then I'll get a good job in Japan, so that I can give a lot of money to them. However, my confidence is losing. I noticed that I'm not so smart. People admit that I'm doing very hard all the time, but they don't find ability in my head. And also, I haven't found what I want to do in the future yet. Oh my god.